40 Years and Counting

Good morning! This morning I am writing you from Wichita, KS where I have spent the weekend celebrating my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary.

Today I want to talk about how a couple makes it 40 years in marriage. Longevity in marriage has become sadly, almost a rarity in this day in age. Many each day are affected by the pain of divorce and left with many questions of “why?”. So why can some marriages last and go the distance?

To answer that I want us to consider the words of the Apostle Paul as he admonishes husbands:

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 to make her holy, cleansing her in the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

As you consider this set of verses there are two words I would like you to focus in on: “sacrifice” and “selflessness.” In verse 25 Paul commands husbands to love their wives, just as Jesus loved the church. Jesus loved the church so much that he died on a brutal Roman cross. He shed his blood for the sake of the church. He exchanged his life for ours. This love is sacrificial love. What Paul is saying here is that a husband should be willing to lay down his very life.

That begs the question of “why?” Look at verse 26, Jesus did this to make the church pure, holy and blameless to “present” the church in splendor. Jesus gave his life, so that we would “radiate” in holy beauty. A husband who truly understands this principle will stop at nothing to see his wife radiate within and without. The more his wife shines the greater glory the man receives. When the wife is honored, the husband is also honored.

Selflessness is evidenced when the husband cares for his wife with the same fervor that he looks after himself. He makes sure that all of her needs are met physically, emotionally and spiritually, because any lapse in her needs is viewed as a failure to meet his own needs.

When a man and woman come together as husband and wife they are joined and become “one flesh.” When this occurs a husband and wife become “us” and there is no longer room for “I” and “me.” Everything is now viewed from the perspective of one flesh. The questions are now, “What is best for us?” “How can we grow?” “What should we be doing?”

To make a marriage last it takes sacrifice and selflessness. When a husband and wife learn to be servants of each other they remove the opportunity for selfishness and control.

My parents would be the first to tell you that staying together 40 years is no easy task. But they will also be the first to tell you that the rewards of sacrifice and selflessness are incomparable.

This week tell your husband or wife that you love him or her and look forward to growing old together.

Until next Monday, may God’s richest blessings be yours this week.

Carl